What is Freedom?
by DatGlowstickThoe
Summary: Loki has done some horrible things, to that he admits, but the punishment he has received is worse than imprisonment, worse than execution. Loki now has no family, and ultimately one question stays in his mind: What is freedom? (T for safety) Dedicated to NatCat 3
1. Chapter 1

_**~AUTHORS NOTE~**_

_Hey there guys! I am TheGlowstickOfDestiny, my friends call me Sticky of Stick Man. You may know me as the_glowstick_of_destiny on Instagram, or xoxDCxox on Wattpad. This story so happens to be from my Wattpad, so you can also check it out there, along with my other stories that I may or may not post there. I'm just going to warn you, my writing is TERRIBLE, and I wrote this on my phone, so don't hate me . However, do leave a comment/review and follow this story is you so desire. _

_This story is Post-Avengers, Pre-Thor 2. It does not, say it with me, __**does not**__ have any relation to Thor 2:The Dark World... that I am aware of. If it has any similarities (besides the description of the prison cell), please point them out. I wrote these first 3 adn a half chapters before i saw Thor 2... so.._

_Without stalling any more: WHAT IS FREEDOM_

* * *

Sigh. Twenty-seven minutes. Mark. Stare out the glass. Twenty-eight minutes. Mark. No visitors. Twenty-nine minutes. Mark. There are never any visitors. Thirty minutes. Mark.

I've been awake for exactly two hours and thirty minutes. Thirty-one. Mark. One-hundred and fifty-one marks, tiny scratches, on what used to be a plain white wall. There used to be three of those, you know. Plain white walls. But after many years in prison... you begin to get bored of plain white walls.

One is covered in tiny scratches from the past few days. One has marks on it from where I've had mental breakdowns. One has notes written on it. I stole a pencil from a gaurd. It was confiscated after twenty-four hours. They knew the God of Mischief could use it for anything. Even escape.

However, escape is futile. I break out and run. Where have I to go? How long would I have until they caught me and extended my sentence? On that note... how long is my sentence? How long do I have left until freedom?

What is freedom?

I look out the glass wall that tortures me so. Only a glass wall between me and the world.

"Loki Laufeyson," a hear a voice from nowhere.

"...Yes?" I answer hesitantly, almost scared, for I have no idea what they want.

"You are to be released in ten minutes," the voice speaks again. "Then you shall be escorted to the castle."

Ten minutes now stands in place of the glass and is all the separates me from freedom. "Thank you."

Though I am excited for freedom, to be able to live my life, to see the sun and feel the cool breeze on my face, I feel conflicted. I must go to the castle first. The castle where Odin, Frigga, and Thor reside. Before I can face the world I must face my 'family'.

Ten minutes. I stare into space and try to clear my thoughts. Nine minutes. Mark.


	2. Chapter 2

"And as King of Asgard, Allfather, I have come to a decision. In front of witness and with the approval of the Odinson family, I hereby disown you."

His voice did not break. There were no tears in his eyes, nor Frigga's, nor Thor's. Though, there were in mine.

"You are dismissed, Laufeyson."

Laufeyson.

This label became, in that instant, as much an insult as 'monster', but I suppose that was who I had become.

Loki Laufeyson, the monster.

* * *

_**~A.N~**_

_Okidokiloki_

_How're the feels? I nearly cried whilest writing this chapter, won't lie._

_I'm gonna dedicate this chappie to my friend NATCAT for making me love Loki. Actually no. This whole FF. Dedicated. Gonna go put it in the description. Anyways, as per always: COMMENT FAVORITE FOLLOW  
TAHTAHFORNOW  
~DatGlowstickThoe_


	3. Chapter 3

I made my way back to my old chambers, the only place I had left where I was safe. Was I safe there, though? Odin and Frigga's and Thor's chambers were near by, and since the palace was the only place I had to stay, I would have to see them often.

No I didn't. I didn't have to see anyone.

I walked over to the corner of the room that had once been MY room, and was now just a room, filled to the celing with memories that felt like a stab to the heart each.

I sat there, in that corner, just as I had for all those years in prison, without bothering to light a candle or open a curtain. The darkness comsumed my physical form, but it had already, long ago, consumed my mind.

I stared into that darkness and relived, unwillingly, the events of the day, so far.

{Monster!}  
{Laufeyson!}  
{Murder!}  
{Treason!}

My mind echoed the words back to me over and over for many minutes. Minutes turned to hours. Hours turned to days. Days to weeks. Weeks to months. Months to Years...

Or it could have all been within a second. You lose track of time in the dark labrynth of your mind.

The labyrinth brought me to the day I'd fallen into the abyss. The darkness surrounding me as it did now, my heart and mind racing. I remember every thought, every emotion I'd felt that day.

The Day of Falling, I call it.

Though, I'm constantly falling, am I not? Falling from the the platform that held my family, my safety...

My Sanity.

You would think that after years of prison, so many I cannot remember, I would have forgotten The Day of Falling. Instead I remember every detail of the hours-long fall that lead to the same place as my dreams lead:

The Year of Pain.

Speaking of sleep, it was then I felt my eyelids become heavy, and so I leaned against the wall and fell into, what for others is the comfort of sleep, but for me is merely the road back to pain.

_**~AN~**_

_So this was just kind of a filler chapter to me because in the next chapter, you get to see what happened when Loki landed after The Day of Falling! Oh, Yes. Chapter 4, "The Year of Pain". That one's probably going to be longer and features a new character: THANOS! DUN DUN DUN!_

_COMMENTFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE  
TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_


	4. Chapter 4

_**~AN~**_

_I'm going to apologize in advance because I said that this chapter was going to be longer... Well, I lied. It is a bit longer than some chapters, but it's not like forever scrolling huge amount of detail. I already had half of this chapter written when I began this account yesterday, so I stayed up last night finishing it. Don't expect me to get these chapters out every day or even every week. I have been kind of busy as of recent, so I'm sorry I won't be uploading regularly._

_COMMENTFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE_

_TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

Falling. I remember falling. Falling faster and faster, never reaching anywhere, never seeing anything but the darkness. Only the darkness.

That was the Day of Falling. What came after that? What came after darkness?

More darkness. A different kind of darkness. Not the darkness you are aware of. The darkness that you fear. It was the kind of darkness that envelopes you when you lose conciousness.

It was hard to tell how long I had been out. Minutes. Days. Again, the track of time had been lost. It was never something I'd been keen on, but it hadn't helped me.

And besides, it didn't matter either way. The question then was not 'When' but 'Where'. Or even possibly 'How' the fall from another realm hadn't killed me. Or maybe even 'What'. What was I thinking when I fell? Did I want to die? That was a question I could never fully answer. Not then. Not now.

I was lying on my back, staring at the stars. I attempted to sit up, but found that the slightest movement sent my head spinning. I reached a hand up to hold my head, which had apperently taken a hard blow when I'd hit the ground. I felt the blood, sickeningly warm and sticky. I had seen my own blood many times, but this time it was different.

My lay there, unable to do anything for a while. Think. Move. I tried to heal myself, but my magic was out.

Hopelessness is a feeling that kills you in a way you can only know if you've felt hopeless before. When you're in pain, but you cannot stop it. When you're angered, but nothing can solve your problem. When you're sad, but all the world does is depress you. When Valhalla has a grudge against you.

I blacked out once more, probably from blood loss. For once, Valhalla had done me a favor.

No. I wouldn't say that. Because that's when he found me. Thanos.

Oh, those first few days were like Valhalla. He gave me a house of my own, brought me the finest confections the realm had to offer, and he told me that I could rule the Nine Realms. I had only thought this to be encouragement. But it was so much more.

He told me to meet him in the central area of his small, uncharted realm. I complied. He had been nothing but pleasent to me, right? Wrong.

Waiting for me was a flogging post. I was whipped twenty times that first day of pain. Twenty. Then I was left there. Thanos allowed my magic use for a few minutes, so I could heal myself. I payed no attention to this minute detail, but oh was I wrong to.

After I'd healed myself, I'd went back to the house Thanos had provided. Gotten some rest. That was the last time I'd ever slept.

The next morning I was dragged from the house forcibly. My struggling did no good. There, waiting were three old friends: The Flogging Post, the Whip, and it's holder, none other than Thanos himself.

Thirty times I was whipped that day. The numbers just kept going up. he stopped at two-hundred. That one took a full week for me to heal it. But in that time he didn't stop there, oh no. That would be too easy.

When Inwas not in my new prisoner cell, I was beaten multiple times. Stabbed. Tortured in every way possible. I would be at the very edge of death, and Thanos would give me the power to heal myself. Why I kept healing myself, I do not know. I kept thinking that the torture would stop. That he would let me live in peace. How many times was i wrong that year?

About eleven months of torture later, he found out what I had done eleven months ago on Asgard. He struck a nerve, torturing me now with words about the family I'd once known. He told me that I could prove them wrong.

My task was to get him the tesseract. Once I came back with it, he would take siezure of the Nine Realms and give Asgard to me. But I refused. He would double cross me, I knew. Then, he said that if I did not, he would torture me for a milenium more if I did not.

How could I say no?

And thus he gave me Spirod, my sceptor, and brought me my armour. He showed me maps of Midgard, where the tesseract was held. he taught me of S.H.I.E.L.D. and how they worked. Another month passed and I was ready. I was sent to Midgard through the tesseract, and then began the Battle of New York. I'm sure you have heard of the Battle, so I find no need to explain it to you again.

Once back in Asgard, I had my trial, and I was imprisoned. You know this as well. But there was one moment in particular about my imprisonment I remember:

The moment I realized that all those times I wished I'd died at the hands of Thanos... I had died. The man I once was was no longer there. I was now an empty shell of Loki Odinson-Laufeyson. With that said, I began to think. I was free from Thanos, but memories of him still haunted me. Was I free?

What is freedom?


	5. Chapter 5

_**~AN~**_

_I would like to apologize for this chapter not being as long or as good as I'd hoped, but I wrote this all in a few hours while talking to my friend, NatCat, who helped with an idea for these next few chapters. Thanks, Mini-Rage! :) Also, I want to point out that this story has so many reviews already! THANK YOUS! I LOVE YOU ALL!_

_REVIEWFAVORTIEFOLLOWSHARE_

_TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

I opened my eyes witth the first round of kocks at my door. Who on Asgard would think of visiting me? It didn't matter. I didn't want to see anyone, nor did I want anyone to see me. So, I simply sat there in the same position I'd been in the night before.

_Knock, knock, knock_. Go away. _Knock, knock, knock_. I don't want you here. _Knock, knock, knock_. I swear if I hear one more knock...

_Knock kn-_

__"WHAT?!" I shouted, all of my patience gone. "What is so important that you must come and REPETITIVELY knock on my door, when it is evident that I DO NOT WANT COMPANY?!"

There was silence, and I was begining to think that whomever was there had left. That was, until I heard an old, familiar voice. Booming, even when it was quiet.

"Loki...? May I come in?" asked none other than the Golden Son of Asgard himself.

"No," I replied simply.

"Why not?" he asked, sounding hurt. He did not have the right to sound hurt. To be hurt.

I stood and stormed over to the door, which I swung open. "WHY NOT?!'" I shouted. "Because you didn't seem to want anything to do with me when you DISOWNED ME!" I could tell without a mirror my face was turning blue. I didn't want that side of myself to show. It just reminded me of my pain. Thor took advantage of my trying to calm myself and spoke.

"What are you talking about, Loki?" he asked. "I heard you were released, and I came to see you, brother."

I was recovered enough to say, throught gritted teeth, "I'm not your brother... or I'm not anymore."

He looked confused, frustrated, and angry at the same time. "Would you let that go? We grew up together! We fought together! Do not say you no not remember, Loki!"

"We have been through this, Thor. And if you want me to accept you so much, then why did you just stand by as Odin disowned me? As he called me Laufeyson, and cast me out of the family!" I didn't realize I'd been yelling. I couldn't stop the rage now. "Don't you DARE come in here and call me "brother" when you did nothing to stop Odin. I spent every day in prison, where you did not visit me ONCE, reliving in mu mind over and over again the events before and during New York. Do you not think I have been throuogh enough trauma and pain without you disowning me?! I had faith that you, of all people, would be waiting wiht open arms to help me. I guess I was wrong about you, Thor. You DON'T care! You NEVER cared, did you?!" I could see that my words stung him. Good. He deserved pain. He, Frigga, and Odin all did.

His face showed some understanding, but not of what I was saying, I knew. He looked distant. "I must speak with Odin at once." And then he was gone, and I was alone.

I closed the door and leaned my back against it, then sliding down to the floor. "He acts so innocent," I commented to myself. "I remeber when his innocence was true, and when he was genuine in calling me 'brother'." I lauged slightly. "And when my mind wasn't plagued with nightmares of Thanos, of darkness, and of falling."

The truth, I did not remember those days at all. I just imagined what they would have been like. Afterv years and years of white walls and glass, I'd forgotten anything other than what was there, aside from the repeating nightmares. I didn't remember them, but I longed for them.

But i have learned many times over, you don't always get what you desire.


	6. Chapter 6

_**~AN~**_

_I would like to, again, apologize for this being an incredibly shorrrrrrrt chapter, but I was NOT motivated to write today, but hey! 6 chapters in 3 days! Be happy with what'cha get! I'm glad I could even get to writing today ughhh #NOTINSPIRED I had to have NatCat, my bestie and fellow Loki's Army Member, help me out again because I don't think things through. But yeah. You know the drill._

_REVIEWFAVORTIEFOLLOWSHARE_

_TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

Questions. So many of them raced through my mind. Why did Thor pretend to be so innocent? Why did he need to speak to Odin? Would he come back to annoy me even more? Then it struck me: Why was I still there? I no longer had a family here. I had no reason for being there. Why didn't I just leave?

I stood. Was there anything here worth bringing? Clothes, a few books, perhaps. I put a few outfits and books, more spellbooks than novels, into a bag. I opened and stepped out the door. Most people would sit in the room crying, looking over photos and journals. Sentiment. I simply walked out with no thought to it other than, "Goodbye, my evil past."

I walked down the long hallway which branched out into the main hallway. Just a hallway from... freedom? No. Not freedom. I would be free from the house of Odin, but my pain was far from over, and I was not free from it.

On my way, I passed the double doors to the throne room. I would have payed no mind, other than the fact that the snippet of conversation than I heard sparked an interest in me.

"I went to visit Loki just a while ago. He said something kind of interesting." There was silence from the Allfather, so Thor continued. "He seems to think that we've disowned him. Now, where would he get such an idea?" I peeked in through a crack in the door, my curiosity getting the better of me. "Not mother. She wouldn't spread such a rumor. Not Heimdall. He doesn't get caught up in matters such as that. Not Lady Sif, nor the Warriors Three. They never liked him, but they wouldn't tell him something like that. And most certainly not me. So who does that leave, Allfather?" He glared at Odin. "What did you do?"

The Allfather sighed. "After he was released I brought him in. I know you and your mother would never consent to disowning him, so I had Rhea, my adviser, make duplicates of you and Frigga. I doubt the monster meant a word he said about regretting his actions-" Thor had heard enough.

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL LOKI A MONSTER!" he shouted. "He is my brother, whether you accept him or not! If anyone is the monster here, it's you! You did not see him as I saw him this morning! He regrets his actions, truly and honestly!" His face was red with anger. "If you disown him, then you disown me as well, because no matter what he has done in the past, or what he may do in the future, Loki is my brother!"

That was the moment I lost my balance and slipped, pushing the door opened. My only thought as I felt two pairs of eyes pierce into me was, "Gods of Valhalla, help me now."


	7. Chapter 7

_**~AN~**_

_Sorry not sorry. You'll understand once you read. REVIEWFAVORTIEFOLLOWSHARE TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

"Loki?" Thor said as he turned to me. He seemed genuinely concerned about me. Well, so did Odin, but in a different way.

"How much of that did you hear?" the Allfather asked.

"Enough to know that you lied to me once more," I said, picking myself up off the floor. "And they call me the God of Lies... Maybe we do share blood, Odin. You don't seem to have a problem lying to not only me, but Thor, Frigga, and all of Asgard. I have to say, I'm not as shocked as I should be." I allowed a small smirk to cross my face. "Oh, wait until all of Asgard hears about this. Odin Allfather, their King, going behind his family's back to disown the Lost Prince of Joutenheim. How do you expect them to trust you after word gets out?"

"It won't, or I will have your lips sewn shut," he shot back.

"Fair enough, but that wouldn't help the fact that they would know of your deception."

"And what of your deception, liesmith? Your transgressions far outnumber mine," Odin said, "And do you truly think Asgard will gather behind a frost giant? The people agree with the sentence I have given you, no matter the way it was brought about!"

Then it struck me. What had been hid under a vail from me all these years was suddenly clear.

"You've just been waiting to disown me, haven't you?" I asked, more rhetorically than not. "From the moment you found me I was just a peace object, nothing more. You consoled me to stop a rebellion. Oh, but you failed. Now that you've found that I create war, not peace, you've just been looking for a way to throw me out of your family, right?" I looked him dead in the eyes... eye. "Well, you got what you wanted. Goodbye, Allfather," I spat before picking up my bag and exiting the throne room.

I felt the burning in my throat and behind my eyes, but I did not let them get the better of me as I stormed down the hallways and out to the front of the castle, paying no attention to the footsteps behind me and a voice booming, "Loki, wait!"

My head was spinning. All of my thoughs jumbled to one, and I couldn't focus. It was as though everything was a dream, a lucid yet horrid dream. I couldn't feel anything other than the lump in my throat, the fire behind my eyes, and the pounding of my heart.

In the heat of the moment, I found myself dropping the bag and walking toward the Bifrost, which had still not been fixed.

Walking.

Running.

Sprinting.

Jumping.


	8. Chapter 8

_**~AN~**_

_Okay, I'm slightly sorry for this one. Only very slightly though. Oh, by the way, HAI NATALIE! MAKE YOUR ACCOUNT NOW!  
REVIEWFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE  
TAHTAHFORNOW  
~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

I felt a hand wrap around my wrist instead of the adrenaile and fear of falling. I looked up into blue eyes that conveyed a mixture of anger, fear, and sorrow.

"I will not lose you this way again brother," he said, his voice as troubled as his eyes. "Give me your other hand." I looked from Thor to the abyss, then back to Thor. "Loki, please."

I reached my free hand up to grab his. As soon as his grip on my hands was firm, he began to pull me up and onto the Bifrost. I could feel myself trembling, and holding back the tears was becoming too much for me to handle. He just have noticed, too, because he said, "It's okay, Loki." His voice was purposfully calm and gentle, as if he were helping a small child down from a playset, not helping his once-brother up from the edge of the Bifrost.

Once I was standing safely on the rainbow bridge, Thor looked into my eyes and asked if I was alright. I didn't respond. I hadn't heard him. My mind was elsewhere. Back in the throne room. All at once I collapsed onto my knees, and the tears had forced their way out of my eyes. Once they began to fall, they would not stop.

I could feel Thor put an arm around me. "It's okay, you're safe now.." I could hear his mumbles of comfort, but only as though his words were muffled by something. And anyways, his words did nothing to console me.

I had no idea how much time had passed before I had run out of tears. I still had the feeling that nothing was reality. It was all a nightmare. Oh, but the pain was real.

I let out a shaky breath and stood. Thor also stood, but did not remove his arm. I looked down at the Bifrost, not wanting to look him in the eyes. I wanted to leave, but I did not know where to go. Apperently, Thor did, because he said, "Come along," and lead me away from the bridge.

His solution was to go back inside the castle. Back to my room, more specifically. i was not thrilled by thid, but I was too emotionally exhausted to argue wiht him over it. Besides, he seemed to be more mentally stable than I was in the moment, so I forced myself to trust him.

I just stood there as he closed the door behind us. He must have expected me to move. I didn't think to until his hand was on my shoulder, and he lead me over to my black reclining chair that I used to sit on when i would read, seeing as the lighting was always best there during the day.

"Sit," Thor said. And I did in an almost robotic manner. "How're you feeling?" he asked. I didn't respond. "Loki, please, talk to me."

"I don't know," responded after a while. I did not recognize my own voice. it sounded to broken and rough to be mine, but it was.

"what do you mean?" Thor asked, concern in his voice.

I thought. "I mean that I do not know. All of my thoughts and emotions are all mixed together to create something that I cannot explain." I asssumed he either understood and did not have a reply, or did not understand, but didn't want to press me farther because he did not say anything after that.

It was a while of staring out into the distance before my eyelids became heavy and I began drifting into sleep due to mental exhaustion. I had been too niave to escape the nightmare that was my life to remember that waiting for me in the place where dreams should be were even more nightmares, each one more horrible than the last.


	9. Chapter 9

_**~AN~**_

_I'm going to apologize because 1.) There are probably alot of spelling and grammatical errors in these past chapters (aswell as this one), however my computer doesn't have spell check, nor does my iPod soooo.. 2.) This chapter is kindof hard to follow. If it helps, the title of the chapter on Wattpad is __Five Nightmares__.3.) I wrote all these chapters whilest I had no school, so since I have school for the next 4 days (school was canceled today due to tornado devastation) my updates might be slower. HOWEVER! I think this is my longest chapter yet, which I'm proud of. 712 words I think. WHOOP WHOOP! You know the drill: REVIEWFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE, TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

I was standing in front of Thanos. He was smirking at me. Then I saw the whip in his hand. I tried to run, but as soon as i would turn and run, there would be Thanos waiting, whip in hand. The next thing I knew, I was chained to the flogging post as I had been many times during the year of pain. I felt a stinging in my back, as if I had already been flogged. Had I? I saw the blood surrounding me through clouded vision. I heard a dark voice from behind. "You have failed your mission, Laufeyson." Then the crack of a whip, and it was blackness.

More darkness. Then I began to see stars. Not in a metaphorical sence, in a literal sence. I was dangling above the abyss again. I felt something around my wrist. A hand. Thor's hand. He was holding me up, keeping me from falling. "Give me your other hand." I looked from Thor, to the abyss, then back to Thor. "Loki, please" i reached up a hand to grab his arm. A look of relief passed over is face before he realized, I was using my hand to pull his hand off of my wrist. As soon as I was free from his grasp, I fell. "LOKI, NO!" was all I heard before blackness swept over me again.

When I opened my eyes I saw ice. Lots of it, everywhere. There was someone in the distance. I couldn't make out a face, so I ventured closer. Eventually, I saw it was Laufey. His red eyes bore into me. It took me a moment to relize that red was staring into red. I was one of them. A frost giant. My skin was blue. My natural form. "My son," Laufey said, his voice deep and cold. "Are you ready to destroy Asgard?" I found myself replying, "Yes, father." I was teleported to Asgard in the instant. The heat hit hard, making me feel as though I were on fire. Aesir surrounded me. In front of me stood a face that seemed familiar. The Prince of Asgard. "Why are you here, Prince Laufeyson of Joutenheim?" Thor asked me coldly. "You surely must know of our truce. Without replying, I found myself thrusting an ice dagger through his heart. A part of me cheered, but a part of me creamed in horror at my actions. He fell to his knees, and the aesir immediately began to attack. A blast of magic surrounded me, and I simply saw light. That was all. A white light.

I was flying in on a hoverboard of Chitauri technology. I only knew this because the light of the explosion had faded. I could see the Avengers in every direction I turned my head, fighting off Chitauri and ordering police around. It was cute how the thought they could defeat me. I would soon conquer New York, as they called it, and then all of Midgard. I would subjugate them all, and Thanos would be off my back. He would have his tesseract, and I would have my crown, and even Thor would kneel to me. How wonderful this would turn out... Then the next thing I knew I was in Stark Tower, standing before the green rage monster himself. He picked me up and slung me about. I was smashed into the pavement multiple times before he left me there. I gasped for air, a wheezing sound coming out instead of air going in. My head ached badly, and so I blacked out.

I awoke to find myself with my hands chained behind my back, a muzzle over my mouth, and I was on my knees before the throne. Before Odin, Frigga, and Thor. "Your birthright was to die as a child, cast out on a frozen rock!" Odin boomed. "Always such a disappointment. I thought you would grow up strong, like Thor. Why can't you be more like him?" chimmed in Frigga. Her words hurt more than Odin's, but I think the one word that came from the mouth of Thor was the one that hurt the most, more than anything anyone had ever said to me. What was it the Golden Son of Asgard had said?

"Laufeyson."


	10. Chapter 10

_**~AN~**_

_GUYS. OVER 1.1K WORDS ON THIS CHAPTER ALONE. I'M PROUD OF MYSELF. WHOO! Keep those reviews coming guys! And I'm sorry but this chapter is just... feels overload. At least, for me. Also, should I start a Sifki (Sif/Loki) Fanfic after I finish this? _

_R.F.F.S. (REVIEWFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE) T.T.F.N. (TAHTAHFORNOW0_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

My eyes snapped open. I was in my room. Thor had not left. I could tell without breaking my stare at the celing because I felt his hand resting on my arm, as it had been when I'd slipped into the Land of Nightmares. He'd been trying to comfort me and must have fallen asleep aswell.

I looked down at his sleeping form, his head using the edge of the chair as a pillow. I slowly moved his hand off of my arm and stood, walking over to the window and opening the blinds. It was late night or extremely early morning, judging by the sky. I let out a sigh and began pacing, something I did often. I tried to recap what had happened, so I wouldn't be too confused and I could figure out what to do next.

'Thor didn't know I was disowned. He went to talk to Odin. I decided to leave. How did I end up in the throne room?' I thought silently. 'Aah, yes. I fell. Note to self; do not get caught up in others conversations so as you make a fool of your self.' I sighed.

'What next... Odin and I fought. I was hanging off the Bifrost... Why?' I racked my brain for a few minutes as I pieced it together backwards. 'I jumped... I was running... Why was I running? Had it been like the Day of Falling? When I was no longer able to take anymore and found my solution in the abyss..?' That is what I'd concluded. It also brought me to a note-to-self: Try to not be so rash and/or suicidal.

Afterwards I simply sat on the edge of my bed. There was nothing to keep my thoughts from wondering off, and so I hummed a little tune that I vaguely remembered. A song from my youth. The lyrics has escaped me, but the tune was there, and had been there through all the years of imprisonment. I was so caught up in the tune that I hadn't noticed Thor had woken, and he was looking at me. When I did notice, I cut the tune off.

"I remember that song," he commented. "Mother would sing it to us when we were children."

"You seem to remember alot of things I do not," was my reply. "For instance our lives before your coronaton..."

There was silence, which I hated, but I didn't dare hum any more. I stared at the floor, praying that the horror of my mind wouldn't take over. Thor didn't give it a chance.

"Perhaps I can help with that," Thor said. I could tell he had to try extremely hard to not tack 'brother' onto the end of it. That bothered me. "Tell me what you do remember, and I'll fill in the blanks."

I sighed. Should I give in? He only had the intentions of helping, and I supposed he'd been hurt enough that week. Not that I hadn't been, but I figured it best to play along. "Fine," I sighed. What was my first memory? How far back could I go? "Let's see..." I mumbled. This would take some thought. "I suppose my first memory is when you, Odin, and I would take those trips down to the lake and stay down there for a few days..." I saw a small smile form on his lips.

"That's right," he said, " Once while we were down there we encountered a bildesnipe.. Do you remember that?"

I thought. No matter how hard I thought, I could not remember encountering a bildesnipe on one of those trips, so i voiced this. "No, however, I do remember when you dragged me out on one of your little adventures when we were but teenagers,and we encountered one..." I let a small smirk form here. "And I saved your life."

He laughed. "Oh, please! I could have fought the beast off, even had you not used your magic!"

"Oh, is that so?" I said with a light chuckle. "Because you seemed pretty terrified for your life! I remember your screaming like a little girl!"

"Then your memory doesn't serve you correct, after all. It was a Warrior's Battle cry!"

"Yes, while you ran from the beast!" It was then that I realized that I was smiling. An actual smile. When had the last time I'd smiled been? I tried to hide my notice of the smile by saying, "I suppose we're even now."

"What do you mean?" Thor asked, a smile still prominent. He stood and walked me, and sat next to me on the edge of the bed.

"I saved you from the bildesnipe, and you saved me from falling just yesterday." After I said this I thought. "It was yesterday, correct? Time seems to always get jumbled up in my head..."

His smile was gone. "Yes, it was yesterday...Which reminds me, why did you jump?" His eyes bore into me again. They always did that. even in our youth, whihc is one more thing I remember. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. To respond for that matter. "Loki, you can tell me."

"I.." I began, but I couldn't bring myself to finish. The feeling I'd felt so many times before consumed me. He would think I was weak if I told him. That I was trying to take the easy way out. I'd always been the weaker baby brother. Always just the weaker baby brother. Another memory.

"Do you remember when you forced me to attend warrior training with you? I didn't want to because I knew what would happen, but you insisted. Everyone there was good at it already. You, Hogun, Fandral, Volstagg, Sif... And I hadn't fought or trained. 'Oh, no, brother, you'll be fine!' you kept telling me. And I believed you, too. Until I was nearly killed by one of the Warriors, so I used my magic. They never let me live that down. I was taking the easy way, they said. I was too weak to fight like a real warrior. 'Real warriors fight with their swords and shields, and they die a warrior's death. There is no magic!' I was so sick of the taunting, the never ending taunting. So I locked myself away in here with my books for a while. And once more I was taking the easy way out of my problems, hiding from them. Even you thought I was weak because of this. Do not deny it. I saw it in the same eyes that pierce into me now! You thought i was weak. And that," I said with a sigh. "Is why I cannot tell you."

It took him a while to let this sink in. Then he finally replied, "I did not know how much my actions hurt you, bro-..." He knew to stop himself. "However, that was then when my actions and thoughts were persuaded by my peers. Not like now, Loki. You can say what you need to." He paused again. "I think I understand what you mean, though. That you..." He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Didn't exactly intend to land safely on another realm?" i finished for him. "No. I did not."

And then without warning he did something that I guess I'd been wishing he'd do. I'd been subconsiosly waiting since forever. He hugged me, and in that hug I found the comfort I'd been looking for since Valhalla knows when. And I owed him for it.


	11. Chapter 11

_**~AN~**_

_I don't know why, but I just feel like this doesn't need an author's note... uhm... bare with me if there's any grammatical/spelling errors, per always... and uhm... R.F.F.S. T.T.F.N.! _

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

_It was then that we saw it. It was easily thrice our size. Its teeth were sharp, bared at us, as the beast let out a deafening roar. Thor stood, unaware of what had made the sound, or that the one who had made such a noise was charging at him. Immediately I'd yelled, "BROTHER!" He turned, but almost too late. By the time Mjolnir had been summoned, the Bildesnipe would have gotten to him. Luckily, it hadn't. I'd used my magic to create a force field in front of him. It wasn't near strong enough to hold the beast off for long, only for that small moment. By the time the beast had recovered, Thor was ready with his hammer. I didn't give him the time to use his might on the Bildsnipe. I pulled him away, knowing that he would only get himself, and possibly me, injured... or worse. He was strong, fast, and an excellent warrior, but the Bildesnipe could still have easily have torn him apart, and I did not want to risk losing my brother. It was his rash thinking and pride that pulled him away from me and toward the beast. 'We should never have come against Father's will,' I found myself thinking. Thor was giving his all against the beast, getting some good swings and throws of his hammer in. I took a moment to think, but I was quickly snapped out of my strategic thoughts by a cry that pierced through the air like a knife. The Bildesnipe was charging at him once more, this time with his sharp antlers ready to stab Thor through the chest. It was then that my own rash thouhts and actions threw me in front of Thor, in front of the Bildesnipe. I soon felt the pain in my chest as the antlers-_

"Brother?" came Thor's voice from outside my door. I closed my journal from all those many years ago and looked up at the door.

"Yes.." I replied. My head was still spinning from the memories I hadn't remembered until then, and the adreniline of the past situation was making my heart pound harder than it should have been. As if I had just lived the incident instead of re-lived it.

He opened the door slightly. "Do you mind my company?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I could actually..." use some company. But I couldn't say it. i couldn't let him know I needed him. It was, as I called it, 'my wall' that refused to allow anyone access to my thoughts and/or feelings.

"You could actually...?" he pressed on.

"Never mind," I said with a sigh.

Thor opened the door the rest of the way and entered, then shutting the door behind him. He walked over to where I was sitting in my chair. "What's that?" he asked.

"Just... Some old journal," I replied nonchalantly.

"May I see?" was his next question

"I would rather you not." I stood and set the journal back on a shelf with the others. "Why have you come?"

"Just to check up on you," he replied. "I mean after yesterdays events I thought..."

I didn't mean that I didn't want his company, but I wasn't used to having people actually want to be around me.

"No, it's fine.." I said. "I was just wondering."

"How are you doing?" he asked, knowing that if I said I was fine, it would be a lie. I said I was fine anyways, despite myself. He just nodded, understanding that I simply didn't want to tell him how I felt. He was always very excepting of those things.

It was a while of silence before Thor spoke again. "Broth-..." he stopped himself.

"No," I muttered, looking from the floor to him. "Continue."

"Brother," continued, unsure of himself. "You must know I'm always here for you, no matter the case."

"I know," I mumbled, looking back to the floor. He had a way of making even me feel guilt for pushing him away.

"Do you?" he asked. "Because it seems to me that you do not. Especially since you did not have the faith in me to know I would not have disowned you."

"You were there," I explained. "Well, a projection of you.. And He said that he had your consent. I had faith in you and Frigga until that point." Then a thought struck me. "Speaking of the Queen, why has she not come to visit her 'dearest son'?"

At my sarcasm he shot me a glare, but he answered me nonetheless. "Mother does not know of your release; I heard it by accident from a guard."

"Well then," I said, "Perhaps we should pay her a visit."

"Loki, I do not think that wise. You know as well as I that you would lash out at her, despite her love for you."

"Perhaps so, perhaps not. You shall never find out if we do not go, Thor." I was anxious to see her, though I realized that what Thor had said was true. I would have lashed out upon her.

"Loki, we are not going," he stated. "However, if I think you can handle it... I shall allow you to see her during the Holidays and then after." I looked to him, telling him with my eyes that this was not fair, that I was as much a man as he and could make my own desicions. This did not alter his opinion. "Brother, you are not ready. I am only trying to protect you, an your relationship to Frigga." And I knew this to be true, so I argued with him no more.

"How long is it until the Holidays?" I asked, realizing that I still hadn't any grasp of time's passing.

"A week from now," he answered. "But I have faith that, if you trust me, you will be ready to face her."

"Trust you?" I chuckled, letting a mocking a heart-felt expression form on my face. "What, do expect me to open up, share with you some deep, dark secrets, and through spending time with my dearest brother and voicing my true emotions I can finally come to peace with myself and my past?" I let the expression fall from my face. "Please, Thor. I am not so niave. I may have told you some things in the early morning, but do not expect it to become habitual."

"I did not intend to hint that you were niave, Loki, but the least you can do is help me to understand you," he said, shooting me a look. "And this is what I mean. You cannot contain your sarcasm and hurtful words toward me, and I cannot imagine the words you would have with mother."

I simply rolled my eyes. "Then what do you want from me?"

"I'm not asking you to tell me secrets or voice your emotions, only that you talk to me as you did in our youth. Do you remember those days? When we were insperable. Brothers, bound together. It seems that since the second Battle of Jöutenheim, our relationship has changed. You would have never lashed out on me then," he pointed out. "Do not give me your speach on sentimentality. I do not see you as a memory of our childhood. I see you as my brother then, and my brother now. If we can not talk as brothers and act like brothers, then there is not hope for you to mend our broken relationship. And if you cannot manage to do that, then I do not expect you to be able to mend your relationship with Frigga, who loves you just as much as I do. I just ask that you try. Try to talk to me. Try to be the brother you once were, and in turn I will try to be the brother I once was to you."

I hesitated. "What do you wish to talk about?"

Thor thought for a moment before asking, "Why is it that you want to see mother so bad?"

"I suppose... I suppose I..." I couldn't finish, for I did not know. It took a few minutes time before I answered. "I just... need to see her." It was a short and vague answer, I know, but it was true. For some unexplainable reason, I knew I had to see her, and I hoped she felt the same.


End file.
